NIGERIAN MEN ARE IN A SITUATIONSHIP

Life is such a funny mystery. Do I need a dictionary to define what a relationship is? No. I don’t need anybody’s opinion to tell me what and how I feel. All I know is that relationship is any association that adds value to my existence. Anything other than this, is a situationship, difficult and dangerously circumstantial connection.

A situationship is when you are in an association, union with a Nigerian girl. What other definition do you want? It’s a terrible situation. A real situationship is when you are in a union with a broke Nigerian girl. This is a group predominated by commercial lovers and wives. A critical situationship is when you fall in love with a typical Nigerian girl from a broke home and she is the first child of the family. Death sentence.

A Nigerian girl is the species that you will take out for a five hundred thousand naira shopping on her birthday, and she pays you back with a hug during your own birthday or if she is generous enough, she goes down to Oyingbo market to buy you “Ugo Boss” Boxers and Singlet. Take her out for lunch, she will close down the eatery and take away dinner and breakfast. Sleep with a Nigerian girl for just one night; she leaves you with one long list of her entire life needs in the morning which includes a car and rent. What is the monetary value of that sex that she enjoyed with you? Who should pay who? Date a Nigerian girl for just two days, she has found a financial Messiah. You will be responsible for everything including her sanitary pads. Nigerian men are in a critical situationship.

Nigerian men are too gullible. I don’t want to use the word “stupid”, if not, it would have been the choicest word for that qualification. When they see girls with cheap make-ups (how would they know as far as the lipstick is red enough) and the most disgusting smile ever, they fall on the ground like Tecno B3…so cheaply; and their mothers and sisters are dying of financial needs. They show off their manliness by taking care of these tapeworms at the expense of their future and family. They prove to be “man enough” by the amount of money spent on these losers who add no value to their so called lives. They believe that dangling money before a girl will make her fall so fast. No, you are raising a gold-digger.

Relationship is when two people equally add values to each other to become better persons. It must not be in monetary terms. It goes beyond that. Even in marriage, a wife should find a way to add value to the marriage, not expecting A-Z from her husband; he is not the Alpha and Omega. You are meant to be a wife (a help) not a knife (a killer). Is it a curse on Nigerian women to be dependent? Can’t they for a second be responsible?

It’s a Nigerian girl that you will send a N1,500.00 airtime, in the next five minutes, she flashes you to call her back.A Nigerian guy’s union with a Nigerian girl is unequally yoked; and the bible says; “don’t be unequally yoked.” It’s a Nigerian girl that you will give N5,000.00 to transport her so called self from your house at Iyana Ipaja to her house at Oshodi, she calls you when she gets home to send her N750.00 airtime. Please, from Iyana Ipaja to Oshodi, is it up to N100.00?It’s a Nigerian girl that you will go out with for two days; she turns all her burden and family burdens unto you.Nigerian men are in a situationship.

My fellow Nigerian men, I leave you with this; strive to be happy. Know where you have fallen apart and pick up your broken selves. Stop cuddling fire lest you get burnt. Find a relationship and turn away from your situationship.

 

CHUKWUEZUE, NNABUIKE

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Published by: nnabuike

Nnabuike is an Economist, Human Resources Manager, Auditor, Author of the novel, Bitter Taste of Honey, and a poet. He lives to write, and writes to breathe.

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